Home-Start Havant

Angela Johnson first traveled thousands of miles from her home in Latin America to Scotland in 1986 to work as a teaching assistant. She loved the country and the people so much that she returned 5 years later to study at university on a British Council scholarship. She later married and now has three young children.

But despite Angela’s passion for Scotland – ‘the Highlands are just like home but without the sunshine’ – she is a long way from home and her large extended family:

“Even though I’ve been here many years I don’t think you ever really get used to being so far from home. I save up each year so that I can go back and visit my family for Christmas. I do feel very isolated.”

From personal experience my concept of family life differs from the perceived norm of the ‘nuclear’ family. My parents split up before I was born so our family life was complicated and stressful but in the end the strong family bond held us together. So, I suppose, what family life means to me is taking the ups with the downs and learning from the past to help create a happy family in the future.

The past two years have been particularly challenging for Angela as she struggled to cope with two-year-old Amelie, who was born with Downs Syndrome, and then discovered she was pregnant with Rachel.

Volunteer Mandy Gray started visiting the family shortly after Rachel’s birth when, because of Amelie’s disabilities, Angela felt she almost had two newborns.

“She obviously needed some practical help but also someone to talk to,” says Mandy. “Her family is so far away and it was a very emotional time. She needed someone to be there for her. I understood her situation because I also have a son with disabilities.”

For Angela, Mandy’s support and friendship has made her much more relaxed about life: “I teach part-time during term time and Mandy will collect my eldest daughter, Laura from school one day a week and help with the other children. Sometimes we just drink tea and talk.

“The best thing about Mandy is that she gives me the kind of help and support that I know my family would give me if they were close.”

Photographer: Richard Scott

Thirty-year-old Najma Ahmad had a three-year-old child and was pregnant with twins when she made the difficult decision to separate from her husband.

Now divorced and caring for a lively family of three – Nafeesa (5) and two-year-old twin girls Aliyah and Nabiyah – Najma is making her own way in the world.

As a young single mother with three lively children life has not been easy, but Najma has the support of her family and her Home-Start volunteer, Stella Skidmore.

Really I’ve done nothing more than be an outside ear,” says Stella, “letting her talk and giving her praise, which everyone needs. Over the year I’ve seen her grow in confidence. The change is visible – all from the simple gift of time.

“My health visitor saw the tension in me after the twins were born and suggested Home-Start,” says Najma.

“It was a very hard time and although I have family not far away,sometimes it was difficult to talk to them about my feelings and problems. Stella is a good listener and I feel I can say anything to her. She is a mother with two older children and she is the kind of
person who will listen without criticising.”

With 13 years experience as a Home-Start co-ordinator Stella visited Najma to assess her needs and then became her volunteer:

“I could see that she was quite low, lacking in confidence and not really getting out and talking to other people. She can relax with me. Often we sit and talk and play with the children or go to the park. She’s a good mother and very interested in cooking so we’ve shared some recipes and cooked together.”

Najma has also embarked on a short course in computing and creative textiles, something she wouldn’t have had the confidence to tackle a year ago.

Photographer: Alley Everitt

First impressions of Pauline Murnin are of a lively woman with a warm personality and a sharp sense of humour. It is hard to believe that regaining that sense of humour after many dark days was something Pauline thought might never happen.

Mother to Jack (9) and twin girls Molly and Taylor (6), Pauline had coped with her own physical disabilities – osteoporosis and arthritis of the spine – and Molly’s autism for many years.

Then, two and a half years ago, she had to face an even greater challenge when a drunken driver killed her husband, Gerard.

“There were some days after Gerard’s death when I didn’t think I could even get out of bed. I was very ill, very depressed, but I had to look after the children,” says Pauline.

“Being a family is simply about being there for one another: supporting each other through the happy times and the difficult times, offering support and advice when making tough decisions and being the shoulder to cry on when things don’t go according to plan. I am an only child and I am very close to my parents. I have always felt a very strong sense of belonging and of being loved.”Shortly afterwards the woman she describes as ‘my lifeline’ – Home-Start volunteer Joy Kerr – came into her life: “We are a match made in heaven,” laughs Pauline. “Joy is also a widow and has three children, including a son who has a physical and learning disability, and her daughter and I are the same age.”

Joy has seen Pauline through many ups and downs, including the court case following her husband’s death: “Even though it’s over two years now I was only able to register Gerard’s death on January 30 this year, which would have been Gerard’s 44th birthday. I didn’t realise how much it would upset me but Joy did. She came with me and saw me through it. There are many stages of grief and Joy understands that. I don’t think I could have made it through the past two years without her.”

Joy’s reward has been seeing the change in Pauline over the past two years: “She obviously still has a way to go but when I first met her she was really still in shock. She would put on a public face because she’s a great mother and adores her children but I felt privileged that with me she was able to release her true feelings.”

Pauline says simply : “Even though Joy no longer visits me there is one thing I’m absolutely sure of – we will always be good friends.”

Photographer: Jay Neilly

When Sarah Smith gave birth to her third child Callum eight weeks prematurely she had no reason to worry. Despite the early delivery he was fit and well and she and husband Mick took him home to join their other children, Becky and Josh.

Just six weeks after the birth Sarah woke one morning to find Callum a frightening blue-grey colour and in distress: “We took him to hospital in our own car because the doctor said there was no time for an ambulance,” recalls Sarah. “It’s normally a 10 minute journey but it only took us four minutes. He died twice and was revived. In the first five days his lungs collapsed and he had to have blood transfusions. He had a meningitis- type viral infection and suffered brain damage. Three months later we were told he had cerebral palsy.”

Since my birth my family have been a means of support, practically and emotionally.

Their patience with me as I have grown up has helped me to realise the importance of tolerance, understanding and love. The family, in whatever shape, has been, and always will be the biggest influence on each individual’s ideas, beliefs and philosophies.”

Sarah and Mick have been tested to the limit since that early trauma and now cope with a son who can’t sit up, can’t walk, can’t talk and is visually impaired whilst trying to lead as normal a life as possible with their other children.

Last June new Home-Start volunteer Val Atwill was matched with the family. She recalls standing nervously at the end of their street: “Suddenly the door opened and Mick said – ‘Are you from Home- Start? Come in and have a cup of tea.’ It was a good start but I was nervous. I’d never handled a baby with so many disabilities but Sarah just put him in my arms with a ‘there you are then’. She was as nervous as me but it was fine – he’s a beautiful boy. We hit it off right from the start and working with the family has given me a real sense of achievement. I’ve been very lucky.”

Sarah and Mick consider they are the lucky ones: “Val is a Godsend,” says Sarah. “Callum used to scream and cry most of the day and night and I couldn’t put him down. Just to have Val’s support for a couple of hours is fantastic. She helps us all in so many ways”.

While Sarah and Mick believe their experiences have brought the family closer together, life doesn’t get easier. At Christmas Callum suffered a setback and now has to be tube-fed. He has also been diagnosed with asthma and epilepsy.

“They have been through some very difficult times,” says Val, “but they are a lovely family and I look forward to every visit.”

Photographer: Richard Bunce

Stacy had recently moved to the area when her Health Visitor referred her to Home-Start. She has 5 children, the youngest being lively two and a half year old twins. Stacy was finding it hard to go out with the children and was unsure about what was available for them in the community. A co-ordinator from Home-Start visited Stacy at home and explained to her how Home-Start could help her with these issues by providing her with a volunteer who would visit weekly for about 2 hours. Stacy wanted this support and was matched with Jo, her Home-Start volunteer.
 
Since then, Jo and Stacy have met up weekly. Sometimes they just have coffee and chat about how things are at home; often they take the children to the park to burn off some steam. Jo has helped Stacy access Sharps Copse children’s centre and become actively involved in the groups that run there. Stacy has become more confident taking the kids out through Jo’s support and has now got herself a part-time job.

Stacy’s Story
“It felt a bit weird at first having a stranger come to help, we had never had any help with our children before. I wasn’t sure what we would do together. However, just going out once a week to the park made a big difference. The children really enjoy having Jo around and playing games with her. I also enjoy having chats with Jo over coffee.”  Stacy has found that having the home-visiting support enables her to give individual attention to the children, whilst Jo plays with the others, and the Home-Start support has helped Stacy realise that she can take the children out by herself.