Home-Start Havant

Angela Johnson first traveled thousands of miles from her home in Latin America to Scotland in 1986 to work as a teaching assistant. She loved the country and the people so much that she returned 5 years later to study at university on a British Council scholarship. She later married and now has three young children.

But despite Angela’s passion for Scotland – ‘the Highlands are just like home but without the sunshine’ – she is a long way from home and her large extended family:

“Even though I’ve been here many years I don’t think you ever really get used to being so far from home. I save up each year so that I can go back and visit my family for Christmas. I do feel very isolated.”

From personal experience my concept of family life differs from the perceived norm of the ‘nuclear’ family. My parents split up before I was born so our family life was complicated and stressful but in the end the strong family bond held us together. So, I suppose, what family life means to me is taking the ups with the downs and learning from the past to help create a happy family in the future.

The past two years have been particularly challenging for Angela as she struggled to cope with two-year-old Amelie, who was born with Downs Syndrome, and then discovered she was pregnant with Rachel.

Volunteer Mandy Gray started visiting the family shortly after Rachel’s birth when, because of Amelie’s disabilities, Angela felt she almost had two newborns.

“She obviously needed some practical help but also someone to talk to,” says Mandy. “Her family is so far away and it was a very emotional time. She needed someone to be there for her. I understood her situation because I also have a son with disabilities.”

For Angela, Mandy’s support and friendship has made her much more relaxed about life: “I teach part-time during term time and Mandy will collect my eldest daughter, Laura from school one day a week and help with the other children. Sometimes we just drink tea and talk.

“The best thing about Mandy is that she gives me the kind of help and support that I know my family would give me if they were close.”

Photographer: Richard Scott

Elizabeth and Chloe’s Story Elizabeth had Chloe, her 1st child when she was 40, living with her partner Martin, who worked full time. Sadly both Elizabeth’s parents had died and her friends lived miles away. Elizabeth found the needs and pressures of a new baby overwhelming. Needing to look her best when people visited and constantly feeling that she was failing in her mother in laws eyes, Elizabeth soon became depressed and felt very alone.

Elizabeth felt she could not leave the house as Chloe would need feeding and changing and having to pack everything Chloe needed, then find somewhere to feed and change her, it would all be too difficult, so Elizabeth stopped going out all and became completely isolated.

A visit to the GP started Elizabeth on Anti-depressants and her Psychiatrist referred her to Home-Start. Desperate for help, despite feeling nervous, Elizabeth told the Co-ordinator about her worries and together they discussed the support that Home-Start could offer. “I felt relieved that someone was going to help me.”

Elizabeth decided that Family Group support would help her learn to go out with Chloe whilst having support. Every Tuesday the family came along to the group where Elizabeth found the support and friendship from the other parents a great help. Each week Elizabeth’s confidence has grown and grown and she now takes Chloe along to several Mother and Baby Groups and knows that she is able to cope with a growing daughter who is a happy, bubbly little girl.

“Thank you Home-Start for being there when I needed help and for not judging me.”

Lisa was referred to Home-Start by her health visitor. She had 2 children under the age of 3 and was 8 months pregnant with her third. Lisa had her hands full with 2 lively children and the health visitor felt that Home-Start would be able provide extra help and support for Lisa, once her baby was born.

A co-ordinator went round to visit Lisa to find out what her individual needs and requirements were. Lisa wanted to carry on going to groups once her baby was born but was worried that she wouldn’t be able to keep an eye on the other two. She also felt it would be helpful to have someone to go out with to appointments, the park, shopping, etc and to help with her children’s behaviour.

Debbie, an experience Home-Start volunteer, was introduced to Lisa. Debbie visits Lisa at home, for 2 hours each week. Debbie has been able to help Lisa at home, providing an extra pair of hands once the baby was born. They often go out together to groups or to go shopping. Debbie has also been able to help Lisa come up with strategies to deal with her children’s behaviour. Debbie has helped Lisa to attend appointments with the children and has looked after them in the doctors waiting room so Lisa could go in to see doctors on her own.

Lisa says about Debbie “My volunteer is someone I can trust and my kids get on well with. My son looks forwards to her visits – it’s my Debbie, he says. She makes it easy when we go out shopping or to groups. It’s like going out with my Mum or a best friend. Having a Home-Start volunteer makes a big difference – it gives me a chance to have five minutes to myself”.

Lorraine, who was on maternity leave and heavily pregnant with twins, and Robert, who works full time, have a son Simon - a fun loving 2 year old.

Lorraine was finding the last 3 months of her pregnancy very tiring and stressful and found it difficult to move around as she was so large and heavy with the twin pregnancy. Playing with Simon was becoming impossible and this upset Lorraine and Simon missed his funny mummy.

The family attended a Christening where it was suggested to them that they contact Home-Start. Lorraine thought it sounded good but didn’t know how they would be able to help her family.

Lorraine rang Home-Start Havant and arranged for a Co-ordinator to come and visit her at home to talk about the support they could offer the family.

A volunteer, named Gail, who had lots of experience with twins was introduced to the family and settled in very quickly, playing with Simon on the floor and in the garden and helping Lorraine to prepare for the twins arrival.

Once the twins were born the family’s needs changed weekly. Sometimes needing help feeding the babies who suffered badly with Reflux, sometimes playing with Simon or just giving Lorraine a chance to catch up on her sleep. Gail’s support changed to meet the needs of the family.

Lorraine and Robert also began bringing the family along to the Home-Start Family Group too. There Robert was able to play with Simon while Lorraine enjoyed having a cup of tea with the other mums, while the twins sat entertained by the other children.

“ Family Group enables me to get out of the house with all my children, somewhere I feel they are safe and everyone is kind and caring. I am confident to let Simon go off and play and I know I can talk to the staff and mums about anything. Our whole family benefits from Home-Start support, I wouldn’t have managed without it.” Lorraine.

“ I feel really welcome at group. It gives me time to play with Simon and watch him playing with other children.” Robert.

“We can’t thank Home-Start enough.”

Thirty-year-old Najma Ahmad had a three-year-old child and was pregnant with twins when she made the difficult decision to separate from her husband.

Now divorced and caring for a lively family of three – Nafeesa (5) and two-year-old twin girls Aliyah and Nabiyah – Najma is making her own way in the world.

As a young single mother with three lively children life has not been easy, but Najma has the support of her family and her Home-Start volunteer, Stella Skidmore.

Really I’ve done nothing more than be an outside ear,” says Stella, “letting her talk and giving her praise, which everyone needs. Over the year I’ve seen her grow in confidence. The change is visible – all from the simple gift of time.

“My health visitor saw the tension in me after the twins were born and suggested Home-Start,” says Najma.

“It was a very hard time and although I have family not far away,sometimes it was difficult to talk to them about my feelings and problems. Stella is a good listener and I feel I can say anything to her. She is a mother with two older children and she is the kind of
person who will listen without criticising.”

With 13 years experience as a Home-Start co-ordinator Stella visited Najma to assess her needs and then became her volunteer:

“I could see that she was quite low, lacking in confidence and not really getting out and talking to other people. She can relax with me. Often we sit and talk and play with the children or go to the park. She’s a good mother and very interested in cooking so we’ve shared some recipes and cooked together.”

Najma has also embarked on a short course in computing and creative textiles, something she wouldn’t have had the confidence to tackle a year ago.

Photographer: Alley Everitt