Pauline and Joy
First impressions of Pauline Murnin are of a lively woman with a warm personality and a sharp sense of humour. It is hard to believe that regaining that sense of humour after many dark days was something Pauline thought might never happen.
Mother to Jack (9) and twin girls Molly and Taylor (6), Pauline had coped with her own physical disabilities – osteoporosis and arthritis of the spine – and Molly’s autism for many years.
Then, two and a half years ago, she had to face an even greater challenge when a drunken driver killed her husband, Gerard.
“There were some days after Gerard’s death when I didn’t think I could even get out of bed. I was very ill, very depressed, but I had to look after the children,” says Pauline.
“Being a family is simply about being there for one another: supporting each other through the happy times and the difficult times, offering support and advice when making tough decisions and being the shoulder to cry on when things don’t go according to plan. I am an only child and I am very close to my parents. I have always felt a very strong sense of belonging and of being loved.”Shortly afterwards the woman she describes as ‘my lifeline’ – Home-Start volunteer Joy Kerr – came into her life: “We are a match made in heaven,” laughs Pauline. “Joy is also a widow and has three children, including a son who has a physical and learning disability, and her daughter and I are the same age.”
Joy has seen Pauline through many ups and downs, including the court case following her husband’s death: “Even though it’s over two years now I was only able to register Gerard’s death on January 30 this year, which would have been Gerard’s 44th birthday. I didn’t realise how much it would upset me but Joy did. She came with me and saw me through it. There are many stages of grief and Joy understands that. I don’t think I could have made it through the past two years without her.”
Joy’s reward has been seeing the change in Pauline over the past two years: “She obviously still has a way to go but when I first met her she was really still in shock. She would put on a public face because she’s a great mother and adores her children but I felt privileged that with me she was able to release her true feelings.”
Pauline says simply : “Even though Joy no longer visits me there is one thing I’m absolutely sure of – we will always be good friends.”
Photographer: Jay Neilly
